It was a small thing. I accidentally cut my finger whilst preparing lunch. As it began to bleed, I was catapulted back.
Back to those darkest of days when I was gripped by an addiction to self-destruction.
I could not quite work out what I felt. Thankful because that part of my life is over? Ashamed because it controlled me for so long?
The olympics reminded me of the week in 2005 when Britain won the olympic bid and my world began to crumble. They have no connection of course, apart from the proximity of time, but for me, my battle with self-harm will always be remembered alongside the week that saw Live8, the success of the Olympic bid and the devastation of 7/7.
It reminded me that personal lives and the life of the rest of the world are inextricably linked. We cannot live without reference to what is going on in our world. Self-harm and the olympics are strangely linked in my life, but it I am realising that the olympics are also now linked in my life with starting again and independence.
Whilst the legacy of self-harm may be long lasting, recovery and freedom from its grip is possible.
Remembering the pain is not necessarily a bad thing, it can remind us how far we have come. It reminds us that there is life after self-harm; despite the scars.