I used to feel quite sorry for my friends.
They’ve had a lot to put up with.
Depression ravages the best relationships. And it’s not just the obvious things.
Aside from the fact that I get very tired and sometimes disappear off the radar for a week or so every now and again – there are the unseen effects of depression.
Personally, one of the ways depression manifests itself in me is what the psychologists call “inappropriate or excessive guilt”.
Some of my friends actually banned me from apologising because it took up half of our conversations! At my darkest – I apologised for my very existence.
One of my favourite writers on mental illness (and you will know this because I quote her a lot in these blog posts!) Kay Redfield Jamison, writes
“Mental illness sabotages the best of relationships, and even in the most steadfast, generates an unrelating bone-weariness.”
It is not easy to be a friend to someone in the grips of depression.
They may flicker between wanting you there every minute of every day, to sending you away – claiming you’re too good for them.
What your friend really needs to know – is that you aren’t going to run a mile. Equally, you can’t be there 24 hours a day. It might be appropriate to ping them a text to see if there is anything they need… but less so to camp out in their house!
Listen to what your friend needs, don’t barge in with what you think they need.
Friends with depression might not be the easiest people to be around – but they’re still good friends – friends with the ‘flu might not be great company either, but they’re still good friends!
Friendship can’t cure depression… but it can make it a load easier to bear.